Unexpected

It was an unexpected for this to happen. I started to miss him. At first, I found this strange, too strange.

I did miss him on and off because he has left to Penang study for 4 years. Until a year ago, it occurs to me that I miss him intensely and it continues for days. That feeling is too odd. Well, as usual, when most of us encounter events that strike us out of sudden, when we are not prepared mentally and psychologically, we would be at denial stage. I try, I tried real hard to convince myself that this is just a temporary feeling, it won’t last long. I must be crazy, how would that be possible that I picturing him on my mind? This is absurd.

Days by days, I carry out my daily routine, I focus on what I should focus, I continue doing usual stuff I used to do. And then, it hits me, that I had his portrait on my mind, again. I miss him? Do I really miss him?? How could I miss him? He is my best friend. We have known each other for 10years. Wouldn’t things get too drama if this feeling ongoing? I asked myself questions so that I can think through because this is too scary shit!! Scary, because deep down in me knowing that, this indicates I’ve fallen for him.

After a while, the thinking of him has surfaced up to my conscious level where I could not ignore anymore. I had to admit I’ve fallen for my friend. This has surprised me a lot!! I have never ever imagine that I would have into him. Like after 10 years, only the current flow from him to me and me being electrocute? What a plot twist.

Along the years, we remained such a good friend for each other. We joke, we tease, we flirt, we make fun of each other, we get angry of each other, we fought, we be there for each other and we laugh hard. We said we gonna be best friend forever. I never think I will be losing him. Never once this thought hit me before. Not until 2016.

This is so bizarre, I don’t know who I should talk to. Normally, I will go straight to him to talk about whatever shit happen to me. I will tell him about my crush, never bother that he annoyed by my repeated topic, but go on and on with my crush. But, not this time. How could I tell him that, “Hey you know what? Im confuse, I don’t know what to do coz Im into my best friend.”

Fortunate enough, I still have friend to burp this out loud. I was shy to tell her this thought at first because I afraid she will be laughing at me. But I can hold no any longer, I just need to talk, need someone to share my story. I spit all out.

She encourages me to confess to him. What??!! That would be the hardest part isn’t it? What if he distance himself from me if my confession go fail? I don’t want to lose him. I want to stay connected with him for the rest of my life.

Next thing I know is, I falling deeper with him.